When you tell someone "I Beat the World's Fastest Cow", they tend to look at you a little strangely. They tilt their head to the side, and kind of smile at you, as though you're a five-year-old with a frog in your mouth.
It's a pretty new in-game feature of Calgary Stampeders football games - a speedy guy in a cow costume gives fans a head start - somewhere between 15 and 30 yards - and then blows past them. It's on a CFL field, so it's 110 yards from goal line to goal line, and most people so far this year have died off around midfield, allowing the Cow to easily make up for the disadvantage. Last game was close - the cow needing a flying leap to break across the tape in front of his challenger.
This time, it was my turn. I'm no sprinter (for some reason, they decided to announce to the 30k+ fans that I was a former track star, which couldn't be further from the truth), but I managed a respectable 15.8s for a test run of the distance the day before.
I only got about a 15 yard head start, but my pace off the line was what you might call "relaxed". I wanted to lull the cow into a false sense of security, and it seems to have worked. I "hit the gas", so to speak, at about the same time as the cow left the line, and managed to hit the tape a few inches before him at the end. I had no idea that I'd won until I looked down at the tape across my chest.
What did I win? Some tickets to a concert, but more importantly, bragging rights and a tiny measure of celebrity for the rest of the game. I was the first man to outrun the World's Fastest Cow.